Sorting Out Priorities

So, my therapist likes to call me out a lot.

It’s needed and deserved, on all fronts. The amount of growth I’ve experienced working with her makes every cent from every session absolutely worth it. From one of our recent sessions, we were discussing the burnout I desperately need to recover from. But also how I might not be helping my burnout recovery chances given everything I have on my plate. And how I’ve always sorta had everything on my plate for….years now?

Lemme explain.

Since middle school, I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t juggling multiple things at once. From school work to after school clubs and sports that only grew in number in high school and college, I’ve found many ways to stay busy since my early teens. I started working multiple jobs during my sophomore year of college. That trend never went away, even as I went full-time into the work force.

Now, as I’ve left academia and corporate America to pursue freelance editing full-time (which I’ve been doing part-time while also working full-time and completing grad school and debuting my author career), I have the rare opportunity to create my own schedule and be in charge of my own time. Yet, as I talked about in my previous newsletter, I dove into everything I wanted to do immediately after escaping my toxic job, which led to stress sickness and burning out even harder.

That can’t continue. But, I’m also so used to (programmed to? expected to?) doing it all that I’m not sure what to cut or how to balance it. So that’s what I’m going to try and discover today, by making a priority list, seeing what I can get rid of, what I can lower in priority, what I can delegate and what I can sacrifice when things get hectic.

Current Commitments

So, to start, lets just make a list of all the different commitments I have. Basically, anything that takes up time and adds stress to my plate (good or bad).

Of course, these are not as cut and dry as these 12 things. Self-care/body maintenance encompasses all the basic needs, like sleeping, eating, showering, stretching, takes meds, etc. And even those can be broken down even further, like how showering on hair washing days is more effort than when I skip washing my hair. Dovah (my dog) care looks like walking her every day, brushing her every day, playing with her, taking her to grooming and vet appointments, etc. Cleaning can be a five minute to five hour endeavor.

Yet those are just some of the non-negotiables. Most things on this list I could theatrically “get rid” of.

The problem is, I don’t want to get rid of any of them.

So, how do we balance it all and not lead to burnout?

Let’s prioritize.

Prioritize

If I were to have a true prioritizing of what is important to me, this is how my list would look:

I’m not sure how realistic it is. If I could stop marketing (and stop using social media entirely), I would, which is why it’s #12 on this list (I don’t know how to make both columns continue the numbers, so just pretend with me!). However, my books won’t sell and my freelance services—which is now my sole income—won’t grow, so that’s not possible. While I’d love to not worry about cleaning or body maintenance until after I’ve done all the creative things, I often can’t create unless the housework is done and I usually shower right after walking Dovah, which I try to do in the mornings first thing.

So, realistically, I think my list might look like something like this:

Which, honestly, split like that, is more like daily tasks on the left and then weekend tasks on the left. Yet sometimes the weekends are taken up by social things (which I didn’t even include on this list because that’s so varied and unpredictable).

So, I think, looking at this list, and making my priorities, is that writing my books, supporting my clients, taking care of my pup, self and home, plus relaxing with gaming and reading, are my true priorities. While creating content on various platforms and marketing are the bonuses I’d like to get done if I have time. But they will also be the first things I skip in order to rest and actually have a balance and try not to burnout now that I’m the only one in charge of my time.

What does this actually look like? I think it’s going to be:

• Giving myself permission to miss a post even if it was on the schedule (and NOT going down a guilt/stress rabbit hole)

• Sharing more of the home maintenance load with my partner (who already does help) while also unlearning the “must be clean all the time” mindset

• Trusting that working within a realistic bandwidth does not mean doomed failure for my creative (books) and professional (editorial) pursuits.

• Allowing myself grace as I figure this out and flexibility as things change

I think it’s going to be a definite journey as I figure out what it’s like to be in control of my own time. I still want to do everything—and maybe one day we’ll get to the point where I can or want to take more things off my plate. Until then, I’m grateful to at least have a priority list to reference when I’m overwhelmed and need to temporarily let things slip.

Thanks for being here as I processed! The next processing therapy homework? Figuring out all the toxic bullshit I need to unlearn.

Until next,
Nicole 🖤

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