Updates

It’s May! Spring is in full bloom here and honestly? I’m really digging it. The low 70s weather, the blooming green, the mix of rain and sunshine. I’m been taking a lot of walks with my dog, Dovah, and it’s been lovely.

For those only interested in the updates portion of the newsletter, please find them below!

Freelancing

I’ve wrapped up my three clients from April and I’m about to dive into four more for May (three smaller clients and one manuscript-level edit). I am so beyond thankful that so far, the risk of going full-time freelancing has paid off! Money is still tight, thanks to trying to keep my rates as low as possible but still be able to pay my bills. And I’m still finding my groove balancing client work and creative work. But I’m really proud of where I am!

• Openings: I have room for one full manuscript edit in June and July, respectively, with more room in autumn onward. I also have plenty of room always for smaller projects (query packages, short story edits, novellas, etc!). If you’d like to get in touch, you can book here!

• Discounts: as a reminder, all self-publishing writers and/or marginalized writers always receive 10% off their full manuscript edits!

• Deals: as a queer editor, it is very important to me to always find ways to help support and work with other queer writers. Our stories are needed now more than ever. And this Pride Month, I’ll be bringing back my biggest deal of the year. Queer writers, keep your eyes peeled and watch this space…👀👀

Writing

I am currently making (albeit very slow) progress on my two WIPs. I’m also planning to outline a third WIP this month because I am nothing but a glutton of punishment for myself. 😂 Hoping to make some good progress this May!

Want more in-depth details on my writing? Join my Patreon (free or at a paid tier) to get biweekly writing discussions, hot takes, updates and exclusive early access to everything related to my books!

Highlights

I wanted to have a section of things I’ve been enjoying lately, as well as a space to highlight what others are working on, highlight client wins or just share cool things. Behold the good things!

• I’ve firmly in my sci-fi horror era and I’ve read my top book of the year (so far) in Dan Hanks’ THE WAY UP IS DEATH. I genuinely cannot stop thinking about this book and how much it floored me. Even if you’re not a horror person, I still think this book is absolutely worth the read for how apt it is given gestures at the dumpster fire of the world and how fantastic of a story it is.

• SLEEP TOKEN HAS A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT THIS WEEK. Just a month after A Day to Remember released their latest banger. I dunno what we did for these bands to reward us so but I, for one, am grateful.

• This year has been the year of Cozy Gaming™️and I’m not even mad about it. I never saw myself as a cozy gamer, per say, but Stardew Valley and then Coral Island changed that. Though I’m hoping to sink my teeth (and break my heart) with Expedition 33 here soon…

Here’s a few recommendations of friends of mine I absolutely think you should be supporting right now!

• E.A. Bard: trust me, you’re going to want to follow her socials, as some cool announcements are happening soon that I’m absolutely feral over! 👀👀

• Did you know you can get bookish scents based off incredible books? Arkady over at BibilOddites has you covered!

• My friend and fellow author Nacina has a wonderful writing sprints channel over on Twitch and she’s almost to 200 followers. Can we get her there?

Musings

If you’re not interested in long form random personal musings, this is your time to close the newsletter! Thank you so much for reading and being here. I’ll see you next month! If you want to read more personal thoughts, read on!

There has been something weighing on me ever since I talked about it in therapy a few months ago: the idea that I actually have things to unlearn, rather than “just” learning more about myself and how to live more authetically with me. When I made the switch from leaving capitalistic corporate America (even though I was in academia) to freelancing, I didn’t realize just how many internalized capitalistc mindsets I’d adopted and need to unlearn.

So, because I process best through writing yet never can get myself to journal (RIP), here’s a list of things I want to unlearn this year (tips appreciated if you have any ideas on how to better do this!).

Time restraints

I think this is something I’m struggling with the most. On top of struggling with sleep (see below), I have also been struggling a bit with getting to choose my own work schedule. I feel this pressure to still follow the time restraints I’m use to. Working nine hours a day, waking up early, ending work by 5pm. If I deviate, then I’m doing something wrong.

Except, that model never worked for me. That is one of the huge (amongst many) reasons I left! Working nine+ hours a day is not sustainable for me. My mental health tanks. Waking up early doesn’t leave me feeling rested, but exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get prior. Right now, I’ve been working in shorter bursts (three to four hours a day), usually between 1pm or 2m to 5 or 6pm. And I really enjoy it, until this nagging voice is like, “You can’t do this, you need to work more, you need to rest less, you need—”

Except I know that to be a lie I was fed since I first entered the workforce when I was fourteen. I want to continue pushing against the narrative that I must work in one specific way and any other deviance equals a negative judgement. Instead, I want to continue to fine tune what works best for me. Without the negative judgement, pressure, weight or guilt attached.

Firguing out real body cues

Kinda in line with the above, I want to continue learning how to honor my body’s natural cues. Sleep when I’m tired. Eat when I’m hungry. Move when I’m restless. Work when I’m energized. Rest when I’m overwhelmed. I think this is going to take a long time to truly understand and embrace, but I’d love to be able to trust my body more and honor what she needs!

Healing my relationship with sleep

I think this is an AuDHD thing, but I suck at sleeping. More accurately, falling asleep or staying asleep and turning my brain off to allow myself to go to sleep. I think part of the problem is that, I was dreading work so much, I procastinated into the night so often, that I trained myself to dread sleep (because it was simply a passage into the next, new horrors) instead of getting excited to rest and recharge.

On top of this, between school all my life and then working full-time (plus how I was raised), it was early rising or bust. Yet I have never been a morning person. Ever. I prefer to stay up late and sleep in late and my body and mind work better when I do. Yet I feel a lot of guilt when I sleep in, thanks to societial pressure and the value of “early bird gets the worm” and getting in trouble growing up sleeping until noon on the weekends.

Now that I work for myself and can work literally whenever I want, I’ve found myself slipping into a more natural sleeping pattern. One where I stay up until 2 or 3am and then sleep in until 11am or noon. I continually feel guilt over this, like I’ve “wasted my entire day” or grabbing my phone to check if I’m going to get in trouble (even though I’m fucking 32).

And yet.

I am no longer waking up tired or exhausted, like I did every day for ten fucking years working an 8-5 in academia. I wake up rested. I am still getting my work done on time for my clients. It’s just within the time frame/table that a captialistic society frowns upon. Yet I don’t want to continue falling into that trap of belitting my worth and questioning myself because I need more sleep and sleep at different times than the “standard” (which, in and of itself, I feel is impossible to have or expect).

Wrap-Up

Thanks so much for reading, no matter if you read the entire newsletter, only parts of it or anything in-between. I really like this new format and I hope you do, too! I’d love to hear your thoughts, whether here or on socials! Plus, tell me how you’re doing. What are you working on? How can I support you?

Take care of yourself and each other, okay? It’s important that you’re here and you deserve happiness, joy and safety. Never forget that, no matter how hot the fire grows around us.

Until next,
Nicole 🖤

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