I’m being glib in the subheading, but this has truly been something I’ve been thinking about more and more recently lately (and, as I mentioned in my last newsletter, this is a longer form newsletter just about the topic of manifestations and dreams!). The world is on fire (some places, literally) and American democracy continues to be pushed further and further into the drain to make way for fascist bullshit. It’s important to take care of ourselves, yes, but important to take care of our communities, too.

Yet, I’d agree it’s also important to dream; to dare to believe that a better world is possible. To believe in hope.

I realized this year that much of that hope had been robbed from me, for a long time (also, by design; this is exactly how capitalism is meant to work). I was stuck at a toxic university that stripped me of much, including any belief in myself and my happiness; most definitely any hope. I’ll be in therapy for a long time to recover from the toxicity, gaslighting, lack of accomodations and inaccessible + unrealistic expecatitions I experienced during the decade working there. I never thought I could escape until to not escape seemed worse than any other alterantive.

But this year, I did.

I bet on myself by transitioning from part-time freelancing to editing full-time. And so far, six months in, it’s worked. I’ve gotten to work with a number of amazing authors and incredible stories. I’ve been able to honor myself and actually not just learn my needs, but listen to them. As a disabled woman with AuDHD, this was impossible to do before, because no one in my toxic academia career understood that I could still have value even if I need different accommodations or work in different ways than many of my able-bodied, neurotypical counterparts.

Taking a bet on myself and it actually working has giving me a boost of confidence I didn’t even know I was fucking capable of. It’s made me wonder what else might be possible, if I believe in myself. If I believe in a better future.

So today, it’s a very selfish post. I’m writing some dreams I want to achieve. Manifestitations I’m putting out into the universe. Manifestations that I want to work towards (because, unfortunately, just saying it doesn’t make it true).

Manifestations

Career (Editorial)

Partner with a publishing imprint to be one of their freelance editors: It’d be a dream to work somewhere like Bramble, Tor Nightfire or a similiar imprint as one of their freelance editors. (Or, omg, EREWHON?) I don’t even know if any of these publishers even work with freelancers, to be fair! But, if they do, I’d like to be one of them. (With the caveat, of course, that working with them doesn’t make me a SCAB, since publishing has done that before in attempt to union bust, which I do not support. So, if I could ethically work with an SFF or romance imprint, that’d be amazing.)

Work on an anthology(ies): This is an ultimate dream! Give me a queer or quirky or trope-filled SFF or romance anthology and let me edit it, I beg!

Expand into coaching and more support for my authors: Because of my natural tendancy to take a more mentorship approach, I’d love to learn more about coaching and build that into my repetoire! That actually might be one of my big goals of 2026 - 2027, is to learn more about coaching!

Pay off my debt: Alas, ever the impossible dream. 🥲 (Thanks student loans and medical debt, I’m about 31K in the hole. Will I ever pay this off??? Is it possible???)

Career (Author)

Publish at least one book every two years: I am still trying to figure out how to balance supporting my authors and supporting my own author career (right now, it’s always prioritizing my authors, which I’m okay with!). But now that my debut has been out and I’ve broken the dam into publishing, I just want to tell stories. A lot of stories.

Earn out my “advances” (i.e., what I pay to publish my books): I know this is a tall order, especially as a self-publishing author who, if my debut is anything to go by, would need to sell roughly 2000 copies per book to break even. But it’s still a goal!

Work with (or create 👀) a video game studio dedicated to creating open-world SFF RPGs that focus on romance primarily: this is a dream I’ve been noodling for the past few years or so. I have no idea how to make it happen or what it would even look like (let alone the resources it would take) but I really really really either want to be a romance writer for or even create a video game studio that focuses completely on creating open-world fantasy or sci-fi RPGs that focus just as much on the romance between the main character you play and their paramour(es) as the main story. You know, like what BioWare does, if EA didn’t hold them back or if the video game industry wasn’t misognistic. (I am planning to write an entire essay about this issue in the gaming industry, so prepare for that at some point.)

Write for a video game IP I really love: let me write kissing scenes between my loves in Dragon Age, Mass Effect or BG3 and I am yours forever. OR, almost even better, I am itching to add to the trauma-lore of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.

Alternatively (or additionally to above): Work with (or create) a publishing imprint that focuses on video game inspired romance anthologies for charity: This ties into my agrument I’ll be writing in the future about how the video game industry underutilizes romance (to their detriment and our sorrow), but I would love to create game-focused romance anthologies (e.g., Dragon Age, Mass Effect, BG3, etc.) that incorporate romance-focused short stories from beloved authors over our favorite ships (or even some forbidden ships) and artwork for each story from fantastic artists for charity (or even a fund to help fired devs, at this rate 💀). I don’t understand why this hasn’t been done yet because there is ABSOLUTELY a market for this and I am delusioned enough to believe I can be part of making this happen.

Life

Move to the mountains/forest/ocean: this has been my dream since I was a kid. The forest calls to me in ways that scream into my core. I need this but it’s just been out of my reach, being stuck in the exact middle of the country and unable to afford a cross-country (or even cross-continent) move. I really want to make this a reality before I hit 40. I MUST.

Get a second dog and never be without a dog again in my life: I really hope to do this next year! My current doggo is six and I feel like it’s a good time to get her a companion. so this is one of my main focuses for 2026.

Cover my body head-to-toe in tattoos: gotta have a little financial irresponsbility to bring happiness, right? My next plan is my second sleeve on my right arm, comprised of a Mass Effect, Baldur’s Gate 3, Dragon Age and Horizon: Zero Dawn crossover. Then, a half-leg sleeve of Clair Obscur tattoos!

Love fully my disabled, fat body: this is something I’ve been working on since I was young but it’s definitely a lifelong journey for me. But, if I can manifest anything, it’s manifesting that I can love myself in this body how she’s always been deserved to be loved.

These are just a few manifestations that I’ve love to come true in the next decade, that are more personal scope than what I want for the world. Yet they do mirror my hopes for the world and for change, as many of these dreams cannot happen or wouldn’t be able to exist in the direction the world is heading.

So, let’s fight for a world where personal dreams are not just possible, but propable.

Until next,
Nicole 🖤

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