HAPPY HOBBIT GOMMAGE BIRTHDAY!

If you’re reading this on November 3rd, then you’re reading it on my actual birthday! I am, as of today, 33 years old! A very important number. By Shire reckoning, I am now, officially, an adult. It’s also the birthday I gommage, so what a way to start adulthood. 💀🥀

(If you’re like, what are you talking about, it’s okay, these are all nerd things. Because being a massive nerd has been something that has, and will never, change, no matter how old I get!)

(But also, watch Lord of the Rings and play Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, silly. They’ll change your life.)

Customary to each time I take another turn around the sun, I wanted to write a post, reflecting on another year lived, and my hopes for how my 33rd year will go.

32: In Retrospect

My 32nd year of living was an interesting one, indeed. It had many highlights and just as many lowlights. In no particular order:

• I became a published author (technically, I was still 31 by just a month, but shush)

  • Which included doing my first ever book signing, becoming a local, regional bestseller, selling books in multiple countries and having an average rating of 4.75 on my debut!

• I hit a weight I never thought I would and continue to struggle with body dysmorphia/fat body acceptance.

• I managed to get a steriod injection that has allowed me to move pain-free for the first time in over five years.

• I’ve struggled with figuring out how to live in a disabled body.

• I continued attending therapy and have seen massive growth in my mental health.

• America fell further into fascism.

• I left my job in academia so I could dedicate myself to my editing business full-time.

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• I had to get anxiety medication for panic attacks.

• I played my old hag Druid Rogue in the currently three-year-strong DnD campaign.

• I lost healthcare coverage (managed to get some, but lost vision and dental fully).

• I discovered I really enjoy reading dark romance novels.

• My cat had to have surgery to remove most of her teeth.

• I took control of my health (iykyk).

• I had to withdrawal from my retirement account to pay taxes.

• I booked out fully for my first year as a full-time freelancer!

• I had my first no sales month for my book.

• I began writing my first new WIP in over a decade.

• I felt like a fraud.

• I became obsessed with Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.

There are so many other things that encompass a year of life. I ate good food and had stomach aches; wrote and called Congress and became a monthly library donor; had periods that destroyed me and walks with my dog that made me feel strong; saw friends and connected with those I loved while struggling to figure out how to stay safe during an ongoing pandemic that everyone else ignores. I bet on myself. I learned more about who I am and who I want to be. I grieved, panicked, feared, anguished, but also laughed, hugged, smiled and felt immensely grateful. I wrote books, played video games, read stories and edited for so many authors (thank you).

It was a year I’m grateful for, despite the struggles, the difficulties and the sorrows.

33: My Hobbit Gommage Homage

For 33, I’m going to attempt to live a year that honors the seemingly juxtaposing (but actually aligned) values that this number signifies to me as a nerd: by embracing the simplicity and joy of a Hobbit, while also the resilience and fight of an expeditioner.

For 33, to honor my Hobbit side, I’d like to:

• Be grateful for the simple things: the leaves on the trees; the swaying of the breeze; a good writing session; an exquisite line in a book; a restful day of video games; a long hug from my partner; a hangout session with friends; a family meal; a walk with my dog; snuggling with my cat. Spend less time doomscrolling, worrying, stressing, planning, fretting. Be more present.

• Embrace the slowness: spend more time outside; plant something (try not to kill it); play in the dirt; watch the seasons change; inhale deeply; eat second helpings; sleep in; learn to REST without guilt.

• Rest: take a long shower; read a book in a day; skip cleaning to write another chapter; take a nap; learn to release stress and trust myself and my abilities.

Hobbits live a simple life. It’s one more of us should mimic—certainly more of us should appreciate. It’s difficult and not our default (how can it be, in this capitalistic hellscape?).

But we can try. We can dream.

We can hope.

For 33, to honor our expeditioners, I’d like to:

• Fight: show up for what I believe in; fight fascism; encourage others; spread awareness; donate regularly; use my talents (writing/marketing/communication) to support change; show up for my community; protect others; help create the world we deserve, not a world billionaires control (or even exist in); save the planet, destroy AI, ruin billionaires, collapse capitalism, uplift the marginalized, land back and reparations.

• Honor the Whoo: As a fat, queer, neurodivergent, disabled woman, this is not exactly a great timeline to exist in. I’m watching my rights be stripped away in real time. I’m watching my friends—especially those who do not have white privilege like I do—be attacked regularly. Living in a country that embraces fascism with cowards for officials and many who want to see me and those I love disappear is not easy. It’s our reality and it’s important to honor the difficulties, the unfairness, the sadness, the anger, the rage, that comes living in a timeline like this. Ignoring how we feel about the injustice and cruelty around us daily serves no one. We cannot get lost in despair. But we deserve to feel it. We deserve to FEEL.

• Embrace the Whee: At the same time, there is still joy. There is still good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for. (Look at me, combining the wisdom of Samwise Gamgee with Esquie.) It’s important to still feel joy. To chase it. Embrace it. It reminds us what we’re fighting for.

But we have to fight. For those who come after.

If I can embrace my Sam Gamgee and my Esquie, then I think my 33rd year might be alright.

To making dreams come true, honoring ourselves and our needs, while fighting for a better world for all of us; may year 33 be kind, revolutionary, healing and joyous. And hey, if you want to help me celebrate my birthday, you could do so by buying my book, sharing my editorial services or joining my Patreon!

Until next,
Nicole 🖤

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