Freedom

Welcome back to the newsletter—or welcome in, if this is your first time! We’re on Platform Number Four but hopefully this one sticks.

In mid-January, I finally left the toxic university I’d worked at since 2012, through a plethora of different roles. The process of leaving was chaotic, albeit validating that I had to leave. The first few weeks after was spent figuring out all the logistics I’d been planning for, but couldn’t fully cement until they were implemented, i.e., healthcare, retirement withdrawal and taxes. It was, in all honesty, a hellish, overwhelming few weeks. Though, thankfully, I think we’re on the other side of that, with a plan in place and (at least) basic understanding of all the life admin things required of going freelance full-time.

During that time, I immediately dove into everything I wanted to be doing and spending my time doing all the things I thought I “should” be doing. Starting my writing sprints Twitch streaming channel, organizing my freelance editorial business, writing multiple WIPs, walking my dog regularly, posting regularly on Patreon, etc. etc. I was overjoyed to do ALL THE THINGS.

I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was when I burnt out into a stress sickness that forced me to realize the key thing I forgot to do, during this huge life transition.

Take a fucking break.

I’d already been burning out (or burned out entirely) from my old day job for years. So, despite my excitement to finally be able to be in charge of my own time and honor my body, I did the exact opposite and showed myself a very important lesson: even the things I want to do, even things that bring me joy, need moderation and balance with regular rest and recovery.

So that’s what I’ve been up to in February. Lots of Stardew Valley, lots of sleep and lots of rest. Ignoring my To-Do lists, planned marketing goals, my platforms, practically everything. At first, it was really odd, but as the days went by, I realized how badly it was needed; how overdue. I’m so thankful for the opportunity (and recognize the massive privilege this entire risk is) and hope to incorporate rest into my regular life, instead of waiting until my body, brain and soul force it upon me.

After three weeks of rest, I am starting to come back out of my shell and feel the itch to create again. To help me do that and create a life that fits my needs as a neurodivergent AuDHD disabled woman and support what I want to do (and pay my bills), I’m going to be exploring two key things in the next few weeks in this newsletter.

First: unpacking my high-achieving, need-to-do it all personality and make a priority list that is a) realistic and b) actually reflects what I want and need. Is there anything I can cut out entirely or, if not, at least cut down? Delegate? Outsource? Lessen? I’m curious to find out.

Second: actually write out everything that I need to unlearn. Because apparently, being entrenched in corporate capitalism (even via higher education/academia) for practically a decade leaves a lot of baggage. 🫠

I’m sharing these reflections in newsletter form because I’m really bad at processing things without having an outlet to share them. I need to write out these thoughts to process, but I won’t do it journaling (will probably need to unpack that in therapy at some point). So, we get them here. Even if no one reads them, it’ll be helpful to unpack as I go on this freelance journey. If it helps even one person, all the better.

So, that’s what you can expect from this newsletter in the coming weeks (months?). I can’t tell you when they’ll go live or what the newsletter will look like after. It’s chaos in all forms and I understand if it’s not your cup of tea and you need to unsubscribe.

But for those here, thanks for reading and thanks for understanding! It means the world.

Until next,
Nicole 🖤

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