Diving into 2026 with a little more personal introspection via these newsletters. It’s a great space for it and sometimes, I won’t do a thing unless someone holds me accountable and this newsletter is a space I’m using to do just that. I completely understand if that’s not your cup of tea! My usual monthly wrap-up will come at the end of the month, so feel free to ignore these on the more personal side—or unsubscribe entitely—if you need. 🖤

If you read my intentions newsletter last month, you’ll know my word of the year is “cringe”. I had a wonderful therapy session after that newsletter came out, where I broke my overarching intentions into smaller ones that I want to focus on this year. After talking with my therapist, my challenge from her was to create at least one actionable item for each intention, to report to her before we chat next.

Considering that is next week, I’m using this newsletter to complete that homework! I welcome any additional ideas, as I assume her next assignment will be actually doing some of these things, until I eventually achieve the end goal of all this: being a person who believes in herself, doesn’t hate herself and brings that energy into how she shows up in the world.

So, let’s get started.

Elements of my Cringe Era

Put less pressure on myself and more trust in myself to help lower my dependency of using stress, shame or guilt as motivators

Actionable items:

• Practice mindfulness in being aware when I’m not trusting myself (self-talk and do self check-ins mornings/nights of how I’m feeling?)

• Make a list of things I’ve accomplished AND a list of things I’ve failed at yet overcome to reference when I need to remember I am capable

• Combat catastrophizing by listing out all the ways a thing can go well

• Learn more about stress, shame and guilt so I can better combat them in my brain

Something I’ve realized about myself is that I am very quick to self-shame, I am constantly stressed (particularly about work and finances) and I feel guilt a lot (is it any surprise both of my books take on guilt as a theme?). Yet I am so tired of being stressed every single day about work, always worried I’m not going to meet my deadlines (even though I always do) or that I’m not going to make enough to live (so far, in a year, I have!) or immediately feeling shame or guilt if I decide not to do something (e.g., skipping taking my dog for a walk on a pretty day).

So rewiring my brain to stop being so cruel is priority #1.

Pour myself into more things that bring me joy

Actionable items:

• Make a list of things that bring my joy that I want to do more of

• Practice giving myself grace to choose to engage in these things even if it means taking a day off or “falling behind” on my work by checking in with myself each day with what’s on my to-do list and seeing if it aligns with what I am feeling/need that day

• Journaling?

I spent a lot of time doomscrolling in 2025. While I can’t leave social media entirely (it’s where I get 90% of my clients and the only way to sell my books), I do want it to stop being such a focal point. Plus, on bad brain days, I want to do a better job of turning to things that bring my joy, while also finding new things to incorporate into my day-to-day that just make me happy, you know?

Learn more about myself so I can better support my brain (i.e., moving away from neurotypical standards and instead into setting up my own that actually accommodates my AuDHD) and my body (i.e., learn more about my degenerative disc disease (DDD) and any potential period conditions (PCOS? PMDD?) so I can be less harsh on myself and instead create a life to support me as me fully

Actionable items:

• Actually outline what standards are neurotypical/unfair and holding me back/creating mental roadblocks

• Find doctors who I can work with to learn more about my disabilities and what sort of accomodations I need and actually advocate for myself when meeting with them

As a disabled (physically and mentally) woman, I’ve struggled for a long time with not just that reality, but the fact that I need accomodations to be able to live my day-to-day. While so much of my life—especially since I was diganosed with DDD at 28—has just been focused on pain management and relief, I think I’m at a stable enough stage where now I can attempt to work backward, almost, to truly understand more about my diagonsies so I can continue finding ways to support myself and accomodate myself, especially around flair-ups.

Truly embrace my fatness and divorce myself from internalized fatphobia!

Actionable items:

• Make a list of books to read with positive fat rep and healing from fatphobia

  • Then actually read them lol (both nonfic and fiction)

• Buy an enpowering outfit and a slutty outfit

• Practice saying neutral-to-positive body affirmations while looking in the mirror

• Be brave enough to take pictures and practice not nitpicking, but compliment the elements I like

Priority #2 this year is confronting something that has plagued me since middle school: internalized fatphobia. Especially as I truly am a fat woman now (and not just the midsize “omg I’m fat” I experienced growing up), I’m tried of hating a body that has only done what it can to protect me and let me live my life. This is something I’ve been so scared to confront, I’ve even pushed it away in therapy.

No longer.

Ask myself for permission instead of others

Actionable items:

• When feeling the urge to ask for permission, pause to interrogate if that’s actually necessary

• Practice telling/informing rather than asking

Another “fun” quirk I have is asking permission for everything. My poor partner has dealt with me, for years, each night, asking if it’s okay I go play video games, even though that is our routine every night. This comes from always having to ask permission to do things growing up, but goddamn, I am 33 years old! I want to ask permission from myself and then give it myself.

Looking over these action items, apparently making lists seems to be a trend lol. But, it is something that genuinely helps my brain stay organized, so I’m not punishing myself for it! Now it’s just actually referencing these lists and putting these action items into practice. I’d also love to hear what’s helped you, if you’ve struggled with any of these things, or what else you’d recommend, even if you haven’t ever struggled with these things!

I know it seems like a lot, but most of these intentions really intersect, imo. I’ve broken them up into smaller goals to be a little more manageable, but honestly, if I make progress in even one area, I think I’lll make progress in each. Root for me?

Until next,
Nicole 🖤

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